It seems to me one of the hardest experiences to fathom or overcome is when you feel you have been personally betrayed by someone you have held in esteem or regarded as friend, family, partner or confidante.
Betrayal is a deep wounding of the heart, a breach of trust and loyalty by those you have shared your most vulnerable, authentic self with. The very nature of betrayal lies in its secretive undercurrents and deceptive actions which result in your shock when it is eventually revealed. It can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you. This precipitates a personal crisis characterised by a feeling of loss of security and purpose; the relationship you have carefully nurtured ceases to make sense anymore and you are left heartbroken and confused about how this could have happened to you and how things could have gone so terribly wrong.
So what motivates someone to betray another?
Betrayal is one of the shadow aspects of Love thus ultimately it is a misguided attempt on the part of the betrayer to fulfil an unmet need or receive love in some form or another. Betrayal can be fueled by jealousy, rage, grief or a sense of being unrequited, it can be a form of attention seeking or self promotion or selfish entitlement. It can even be a subtle form of ‘tall poppy syndrome’, a destructive intent to ‘cut down’ someone whose light is shining too brightly, who threatens the status quo or the position of others.
However it manifests, betrayal is ugly… so how can you move forward after a betrayal and open your heart again to love and trust another?
REFRAME THE EXPERIENCE TO YOUR BENEFIT BY FOCUSSING ON THE GIFTS IT BRINGS… GIFTS you say???? … YES, even in the darkest of circumstances, we can look for the light it brings, FOR IN REALITY THERE IS NO ENEMY… just an energy that challenges us to live more and more in our truth!
Below are a few tips to help you on your way…
- Self nurturing – one gift of betrayal is that it reminds you to be loyal to yourself first, to trust and back yourself. If you have made self approval wholly conditional on the feedback you receive from others, then now is the perfect time to take back your power, return to filling your own cup and validating yourself. Nobody knows your inner intention better than you do, so if you know you are acting with integrity, why would you continue to allow someone else make you second guess yourself???
- Make a list now of all your key strengths, many of which will have been revealed through this experience and CELEBRATE WHO YOU ARE and BE GRATEFUL FOR ALL THE SPECIAL QUALITIES YOU POSSESS that no one can ever take from you!
- Look at the situation objectively. Write down the facts of what happened then look more analytically at how one event led to another. What responsibility can you take for how things unfolded and what issues need to be placed back with the others involved. Be completely honest with yourself and look at what you need to change to be a better person going forward.
- Compassionate Forgiveness – When your feelings are hard, keep calling Divine Love and Light to enfold you and all concerned to resolve the hurt of the betrayal. As humans we have all made mistakes at some point in time… the Sun still shines on us all no matter what we have done! and so too can we choose to give to ourselves and others, the divine justice we truly wish to see in the world. Meeting destructive thought, feeling or action with more of the same merely builds more hate and binds us further to the misery caused by the original insult. Say NO to that energy by refusing to give it any more of your attention.
- Place your attention and your life energy where it can truly make a difference. Live by your Light and that can only expand and draw back more of itself into your world until inevitably THE SHADOWS ARE NO MORE.